A mainly Non-bookish post: In memory of my very old and salty cat
Upon preparing this morning’s bookstagram post, for a book I’ve received from the wonderful people at Penguin Books Australia, called “We are never meeting in real life” by Samantha Irby, I realised the cover reminded me strongly of my old cat. Granted, the cat on the cover of this book appears to be a kitten and my cat was almost 20 years old when she was finally taken from us (three years ago around this time), but this cat looks SALTY at the world. And my cat was the saltiest of salty cats, which was probably the thing I loved about her most.
So, in honour of this cover cat, who looks like she believes the world really is just doing it on purpose, I thought I’d share a non-bookish post I wrote about an “incident” my cat caused while she was still around. It’s called:
** THE DAY MY CAT SEXUALLY HARASSED THE ELECTRICITY MAN **
One Tuesday, I looked out the front door to see someone walking up the path. It was the electricity man, wanting to check our meter reading.
Our cat was lounging in her cat bed, a raised platform, right underneath the power box. It’s not the first time she’s blended into her surroundings and gone unnoticed by people at our door. She usually stretches and meows at just the right time to make them jump a mile. I’m pretty sure she does it on purpose.
As he was busy reading the meter, I suddenly noticed the cat was slowly reaching a paw out to him….she was at just the right level for it to be inappropriate. I held my breath a little and stared at her with a very definite “DON’T DO IT” look. But cats couldn’t give a toss about that look. In fact, I think it encourages them.
As she reached further and further forward, and I realised he was completely oblivious to her existence, there was a moment where I almost opened my mouth to warn him… but when I saw that she had managed to casually hook one claw onto the crotch of his pants, I panicked. In the small amount of time I had, I couldn’t decide whether it was worse to blurt out “Excuse me, my cat is touching your junk” or to just remain silent and give her the opportunity to let go. I was sure that when he backed away from the meter box she would just let him go. I had forgotten what sort of cat I was dealing with.
As he tried to back away, instead of letting go like any normal animal, she lunged forward and gripped both of his pant legs with both paws. He screamed. And jumped backwards. At which point, she came all the way out of her bed, hanging off him, nose at crotch height, staring him right in the face.
I’m not sure what the etiquette is when your cat is suddenly, and unexpectedly, attached to someone’s private area. Such actions as slamming the door and running went through my mind. Also announcing “That’s not my cat” or just packing up and moving house. Instead, I had to apologise profusely and extract our (now probably a registered sex offender) cat from his pants, in the least awkward way possible.
I’m quite suspicious that our power bills suddenly doubled after that.
I miss you cat, I really do..
My review for We Are Never Meeting in Real Life will be up on my blog in the coming weeks. Make sure you look out for it because the book sounds fantastic!