A Gentle Guide for Little Hands: A Review of What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting

Introduction: A Lifeline for Parents of Toddlers

Parenting a toddler is a whirlwind of joy, chaos, and big emotions—often expressed through tiny fists. If you’ve ever felt at a loss when your child lashes out physically, What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting by Cara Goodwin, PhD is a must-read. This book isn’t just for kids—it’s a lifeline for parents navigating the stormy seas of toddlerhood.

As a child psychologist, Dr. Goodwin distills complex behavioral concepts into simple, actionable strategies. But does this book deliver on its promise? Let’s dive deep into its pages, exploring its structure, themes, and real-world applicability.

Plot Summary: A No-Hitting Roadmap

Unlike traditional storybooks, What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting is a behavioral guide disguised as a children’s book. It doesn’t follow a linear plot but instead presents scenarios where toddlers might feel the urge to hit—whether from frustration, jealousy, or overstimulation—and offers gentle alternatives.

Each page introduces a relatable situation:

  • A sibling taking a toy
  • A friend not sharing
  • Feeling tired or overwhelmed

The book then provides simple, concrete actions (like taking deep breaths, using words, or squeezing a stuffed animal) to redirect aggression. The language is clear, repetitive, and toddler-friendly, reinforcing positive coping mechanisms.

Character Analysis & Development: Toddlers as the Protagonists

Since this is a teaching tool rather than a narrative, the “characters” are archetypal toddlers in everyday situations. The illustrations (by Katie Turner) depict diverse children, ensuring inclusivity and relatability.

What stands out is how the book normalizes emotions—anger, frustration, and sadness aren’t villainized. Instead, the focus is on healthy expression. This subtle framing helps kids (and parents) see emotions as natural, not “bad.”

Writing Style & Narrative Technique: Simple Yet Powerful

Dr. Goodwin’s background in psychology shines through in her concise, evidence-based approach. The text is:

  • Repetitive (to aid toddler comprehension)
  • Rhythmic (almost like a mantra)
  • Action-oriented (“When you feel like hitting, try…”)

The illustrations complement the words perfectly, showing facial expressions and body language that help toddlers recognize emotions in themselves and others.

Thematic Exploration: More Than Just “Don’t Hit”

Beneath its straightforward advice, the book tackles deeper themes:

1. Emotional Literacy

It teaches kids to name their feelings, a critical step in self-regulation.

2. Empathy & Social Skills

By showing how hitting affects others, it fosters early empathy.

3. Parent-Child Connection

The book encourages caregivers to model calm responses, reinforcing secure attachment.

4. Empowerment Through Choice

Instead of saying “Don’t hit,” it offers alternatives, giving toddlers agency.

Personal Reading Experience: Did It Work?

I tested this book with my 3-year-old, who went through a hitting phase. The first few reads didn’t magically stop the behavior, but over time, he started using the strategies—especially the “take a deep breath” suggestion.

What surprised me was how the book also coached me. It reframed my reactions from frustration (“Stop hitting!”) to guidance (“I see you’re upset. Let’s try what the book says.”).

Comparison to Other Books in the Genre

Many toddler behavior books exist (Hands Are Not for Hitting, Teeth Are Not for Biting), but Goodwin’s stands out for:
✅ Psychological depth (rooted in child development research)
✅ Practicality (clear, doable alternatives)
✅ Inclusivity (diverse characters)

It’s less preachy than some and more solution-focused than others.

Strengths & Minor Weaknesses

Strengths:

✔ Evidence-based – Dr. Goodwin’s expertise is evident.
✔ Engaging for toddlers – Bright, relatable illustrations.
✔ Parent-friendly – Short enough for short attention spans (theirs and ours).

Weaknesses:

❌ May need repetition – Not an instant fix; requires consistency.
❌ Limited scenarios – Could expand on more triggers (e.g., transitions, hunger).

Target Audience: Who Should Read This?

  • Parents of toddlers (1-4 years) struggling with aggression.
  • Early educators looking for classroom tools.
  • Therapists/Counselors working with young children.

Not ideal for: Older kids (5+) or those seeking a narrative story.

Memorable Quotes & Passages

“When you feel like hitting, you can…
1. Take a deep breath.
2. Use your words.
3. Squeeze a pillow tight.”

This refrain becomes a calming ritual for little ones.

Cultural & Historical Context

Modern parenting increasingly emphasizes gentle discipline and emotional intelligence. This book aligns with that shift, offering a non-punitive, trauma-informed approach to behavior.

Final Verdict: A Must-Have for Toddler Toolkits

What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting is more than a book—it’s a behavioral intervention disguised as a bedtime read. While no book is a magic wand, this one provides practical, loving guidance for both kids and caregivers.

🔗 Get the Book: Amazon

Discussion Questions for Readers:

  • Have you tried this book with your toddler? What worked (or didn’t)?
  • What other strategies have helped your child with big emotions?
  • How do you model emotional regulation for your little one?

Let’s chat in the comments! 👇

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